THE ONLY-SLIGHTLY-LESS-WELL-KNOWN OF THE CLASSIC BLUNDERS*

AUSTIN POWERS’ “THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE” LIST

When we see the list in Austin Powers In Goldmember (2002), all but the last two items have been crossed off.

1. Become International Man of Mystery.
2. Save World from Certain Doom.
3. Find True Love.
4. Go To Outer Space.
5. Travel Through Time, Backward and Forward.
6. Be Cryogenically Frozen.
7. Catch Dr. Evil in the First Act.
8. Threesome with Japanese Twins.
9. Earn Daddy's Respect.

HOW TO...

Marry A Millionaire (1953) • Make A Monster (1958) • Stuff A Wild Bikini (1965) • Murder Your Wife (1965) • Steal A Million (1966) • Succeed In Business Without Really Trying (1967) • Save A Marriage And Ruin Your Life (1968) • Commit Marriage (1969) • Frame A Figg (1971) • Steal A Diamond In Four Uneasy Lessons (1972) • Destroy The Reputation Of The Greatest Secret Agent… (1973) • Kill A Judge (1975) • Beat The High Co$t Of Living (1980) • Get Ahead In Advertising (1989) • Make An American Quilt (1995) • Be A Player (1997) • Make The Cruelest Month (1998) • Kill Your Neighbour’s Dog (2000) • Draw A Bunny (2002) • Lose A Guy In 10 Days (2003) • Deal (2003) • Eat Your Watermelon In White Company (And Enjoy It) (2005) • Eat Fried Worms (2006) • Go Out On A Date In Queens (2006) • Rob A Bank (And 10 Tips To Actually Get Away With It) (2007) • Lose Friends & Alienate People (2008) • Be (2008) • Save A Life (2009) • Make Love To A Woman (2010) • Train Your Dragon (2010) • Stop Being A Loser (2011) • Survive A Plague (2012) • Beat A Bully (2015) • Dance In Ohio (2015) • Be Single (2016)

THE WISDOM OF TONY ‘SCARFACE’ MONTANA

"You gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.”

“I never fucked anybody over in my life didn't have it coming to them.”

“All I have in this world is my balls and my word and I don't break them for no one.”

“I always tell the truth. Even when I lie.”

COST OF HIRING VIVIAN WARD (PRETTY WOMAN) FOR A WEEK

$3000 (including days)

"GO AHEAD, MAKE MY DAY"

Contrary to popular belief, Clint Eastwood (as “Dirty” Harry Callahan) does not say the famous line in the first Dirty Harry (1971) film, but in its third sequel, Sudden Impact (1983).

THE MARX BROTHERS

marxbrothers
Leonard ‘Chico’ Marx
Adolph* ‘Harpo’ Marx
Julius Henry ‘Groucho’ Marx
Herbert ‘Zeppo’ Marx

*Changed his name from Adolph to Arthur in 1911.

ARMAGEDDON DRILLERS’ LIST OF DEMANDS

VERSUS

Alien Vs. Predator (2004)
Asterisk Vs. Caesar (1985)
Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever (2002)
Batman V Superman: Dawn Of Justice (2016)
Cockneys Vs Zombies (2012)
Cowboys Vs Dinosaurs (2015)
Dick Tracy Vs Cueball (1946)
Dollman Vs. Demonic Toys (1993)
Earth Vs. The Flying Saucers (1956) Eagle Vs Shark (2007)
Freddy Vs. Jason (2003)
Hercules Vs. The Moon Men (1964)
Hoodwinked Too! Hood Vs. Evil (2011)
Jack And Jill Vs. The World (2008)
King Kong Vs. Godzilla (1962)
Kramer Vs. Kramer (1979)
Lake Placid Vs. Anaconda (2015)
Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus (2009)
Mothra Vs. Godzilla (1964)
Monsters Vs. Aliens (2009)
The People Vs. Larry Flynt (1996)
Puppet Master Vs Demonic Toys (2004)
Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (2010)
Tucker And Dale Vs. Evil (2010)
The U.S. Vs. John Lennon (2006)
Wife Vs. Secretary (1936)

THE FIVE D'S OF DODGEBALL

Dodge • Duck • Dip • Dive • Dodge

Hank"This is Patches O'Houlihan saying
'Take care of your balls, and they'll take care of you.'"

LAST MAJOR HOLLYWOOD FILM TO BE RELEASED ON VHS

INSCRIPTION ON THE ONE RING

inscription-on-the-one-ring

Ash nazg durbatulûk, ash nazg gimbatul,
ash nazg thrakatulûk, agh burzum-ishi krimpatul.*

*One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them,
One Ring to bring them all, and in the darkness bind them.

CHANT FROM THE NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET FILMS

One, two, Freddy’s coming for you
Three, four, better lock your door
Five, six, grab your crucifix
Seven, eight, gonna stay up late
Nine, ten, never sleep again…

THE WHEEL FROM MAD MAX BEYOND THUNDERDOME

wheel-from-mad-max-beyond-thunderdome"But ain't it the truth: you take your chances with the law. Justice is only a roll of the dice. A flip of the coin. A turn of the Wheel."


In Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985), post-apocalyptic wanderer Max (Mel Gibson) breaks his deal with Aunty Entity (Tina Turner) when he refuses to kill his opponent in the Thunderdome arena. In Bartertown, breaking a deal is one of the most serious crimes imaginable, and the punishment is clear – bust a deal, face the wheel.

Amputation • Life imprisonment • Auntie’s choice • Gulag* • Acquittal •
Hard labour • Spin again • Forfeit goods • Death • Underworld**

*Exile into the desert wasteland.
**Forced labour in Bartertown’s underground methane refinery and pig farm.

AMERICAN...

Adobo (2001) • Anthem (1986) • Beauty (1999) • Buffalo (1996) • Cousins (2003) • Crude (2008) • Desi (2001) • Dream (1990) • Dreamer (1984) • Dreamz (2006) • Flyers (1985) • Fork (2007) • Friends (1991) • Gangster (2007) • Gigolo (1980) • Girl (2002) • Gothic (1988) • Graffiti (1973) • Grindhouse (2010) • Gun (2002) • Hardcore (2006) • Heart (1992) • Heist (2014) • History X (1998) • Hollow (1999) • Honey (2015) • Hot Wax (1978) • Hustle (2013) • Kickboxer (1991) • Madness (1932) • Mary (2012) • Me (1992) • Movie (1999) • Ninja (1985) • Outlaws (2001) • Pastime (2007) • Perfekt (1997) • Pie (1999) • Pimp (1999) • Pop (1981) • Psycho (2000) • Reunion (2012) • Samurai (1992) • Son (2008) • Splendor (2003) • Sniper (2014) • Strays (1996) • Teen (2008) • The Bill Hicks Story (2009) • Ultra (2015) • Venus (2007) • Violet (2008) • Virgin (2009) • Wedding (2003) • Yakuza (1993) • Zeitgeist (2006)

WONKA'S GOLDEN TICKET

wonkas-golden-ticket

"So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it."


The reverse of the Golden Ticket from Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory (1971) reads:

Greetings to you, the lucky finder of this Golden Ticket, from Mr. Willy Wonka!… Present this ticket at the factory gates at ten o’clock in the morning of the first day of October and do not be late. You may bring with you one member of your own family… and only one… but no one else…. In your wildest dreams, you could not imagine the marvelous SURPRISES that await YOU!

THREE KINDS OF CLOSE ENCOUNTER

CLOSE ENCOUNTER OF THE FIRST KIND
Sighting of a UFO

CLOSE ENCOUNTER OF THE SECOND KIND
Physical evidence

CLOSE ENCOUNTER OF THE THIRD KIND
Contact


close-encounters-of-the-third-kind-poster

THE ORIGIN OF HAL 9000

HAL 9000 (voiced by Douglas Rain) is the spaceship Discovery’s onboard computer in 2001: A Space Odyssey* (1968); he became operational at the H.A.L. plant in Urbana, Illinois, on the 12th of January, 1992. Contrary to popular belief, HAL’s name is not a play on computer manufacturer IBM (shifted one letter to the left), but is short for "Heuristically-programmed ALgorithmic computer", as Arthur C. Clarke makes clear in his novelisation of the film's screenplay (which he co-wrote with director Stanley Kubrick).

hal 9000
"I'm sorry, Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that."


*Rock Hudson is said to have walked out of the Los Angeles premiere of 2001, and remarked: “Will someone tell me what the hell this is about?”

RULES OF FIGHT CLUB